Whether you are merely dating, engaged to be married, newlywed, or have been married for a few years; there is something very, very important you need to know. As a man and woman become more and more involved, they become one; A UNIT (as in united or unity). Please take this especially to heart, I'm not just saying this out of hand. A marriage is a commitment to be ONE. The whole world could fail you, turn its back on you, or even betray you but if you and your spouse commit to be ONE, you can weather these storms. The Bible says it this way:
"The man [Adam] said, 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.' That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." -- Gen 2:23-24
Woman comes from a combining of the words "womb" and "man". Of course only Eve came from the "womb" of Adam but the pattern of man and woman coming together again as ONE is still the pattern God intends.
But unless someone think this is somehow a man-sided relationship, let's look at another verse.
"The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." -- 1 Corinthians 7:4
See the equality in authority? It is so damaging when I hear couples say to one another, things like; "You're not the boss of me" or "Don't question me". I've even heard professing Christians behave this way. Such a spirit is counter to God's intent for marriage.
As ONE UNIT, a married couple should realize that they must look out for the best interest of themselves; as ONE UNIT. The friends they choose, the direction of their lives, the health of the heart, mind and soul.
I have tried to capture the essence of biblical living. Of course Jesus has summed it up in the so-called "Golden Rule" of reciprocity -- "Do unto others as you want them to do unto you" Mt 7:12 and Lk 6:31. But the principle was around within human relationships even before Jesus' earthly ministry. (see here) Jesus expands on this principle in Lk 10:25-28 where we read:
"On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. 'Teacher,' he asked, 'what must I do to inherit eternal life?' 'What is written in the Law?' [Jesus] replied. 'How do you read [interpret] it?' He answered, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself.' 'You have answered correctly,' Jesus replied. 'Do this and you will live.'"
At the core of this is 3 key principles;
- LOVE
- HONESTY
- ORDER
LOVE
A marriage MUST be based on and practice these 3 principles or it is doomed to not "live". Love as the Bible defines it isn't merely a wishy-washy feeling that comes over us but is obedience. Think of 1 Corinthians 7:4 and the authority each spouse has over the other. It is not like a dictatorship but this word "authority" is more like "responsibility". We are each responsible to and for the other. Just as if you were given the trust to take care of some priceless item; to protect it and keep a watch over it so too are we priceless to our spouses and they to us. Neglecting or in anyway causing unproductive damage to our spouses is not "loving".
HONESTY
Since a marriage is being ONE UNIT, what kind of person lies to themselves? We typically consider a person that lies to themselves as a deluded or deranged person. How then can we expect to have a healthy UNIT if it is untrustworthy? Honesty in a relationship is paramount. If in even little matters a person can't be trusted, then we begin to question the matters of more consequence.
ORDER
A unit is, unified; a cohesion which to exist requires some sense of order. We like a little spice and variance in our lives to keep things exciting. I'm not talking about being dull, boring or compulsive; however there should be an amount of predictability within a marriage. You should be able to relatively predict or at least understand the actions of your spouse. If they are constantly "disorderly", then there is little stability on which to found and grow the marriage. This is the reason why drug-users and drunkards usually have a difficult time holding together a relationship. This is also another reason why the Bible calls of us to be "sober-minded" (references).
Conclusion
The course to marriage and eventually marriage is a very important aspect of a person's life. If you are spending your time looking for someone who you can change like a diamond in the rough, you will only be disappointed. Look for someone who is ALREADY committed to the principles and practices above. Ask your spouse to hold you accountable to making the UNIT, the ONE work. Of course we will sometimes fail; we're fallible creatures but when two come together as ONE; when one has a moment of weakness, the other should be there to help restore. As Jesus said, "Do this and live."
