The Kingdom Come

While within the environs of the independent fundamental baptist denominations, an often quoted and topic-launching verse was Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

The implied contention is (at least within that denomination) that if you raise your children correctly, they will remain good, Christian persons.

Attached to this idea that you simply need to raise your child correctly are all sorts of other aspects such as; to home school or not, Christian school or not, sheltering or not.

Interestingly, some of the worst behaved children within the church structure tend to be the "pastor's kids"...at least this is what is often said. Is it the stigma and pressure of being the pastor's kid that would cause them to tend to rebel?

Further, children raised in strict Christian homes, sheltered from "the world" are often said to "go wild" later in life. If this is really true, why is this and how does it compare with what Proverbs 22:6 says?

I titled this article, Christian Parenting: Raising A Christian Child to capture your attention and to high-light a misnomer. Is there really such a thing as a Christian child or is it more accurate to say children who are Christian? The point is, you can't really make your children be Christians.

As I pointed out, I come from a independent fundamental baptist background but later in life and still today, I more identify with Reformed Presbyterianism. This was a huge transition since as a baptist we would consider the paedo-baptism (infant baptism) of the Presbyterians to be doctrinally incorrect and would accuse the Presbyterians of treating their children as Christians/"saved" before the children had a "personal conversion". Well, obviously now being a Presbyterian I can say that most Presbyterians are under no illusion that their children are Christians simply because they were baptized. Baptism symbolizes inclusion in the community but does not determine the actual relationship with God; in the same way a Jew would be circumcised on the 8th day after birth to symbolize he would be considered part of the covenant community. His individual faith had nothing to do with that circumcision. (see here, this is even an opposition to paedo-baptism, but it tries to explain away the correlation, which as you'll see can't be explained away)

The point is, yes we can raise our children by Christian principles but like baptism or circumcision only symbolizes covenant community, real faith must be displayed by the individual. The proverbial precept of Proverbs 22:6 was never meant to be a hard set dictum of what would happen but that as a rule, when you train up your child, he will not depart from his training even if outwardly it appears he is.

I can tell you, my wife and I are nervous about our parenting. We now have a 17 year old daughter who so far has been a fairly good kid. She hasn't been into drugs or criminal activities. She makes A's and B's in school and has plans to go to college. More importantly, though we initially raised her "Christian", even sending her to a Christian school from K-6, there is only so much we can do to stave off "the world" from influencing her. Sometimes I find her to be shallow and even "worldly". But what am I to do? Should I forbid her from leaving the house? Should I seclude her in her room?

We continue to teach and practice Christianity to her. She had made a profession of faith when she was 7 years old in the baptist denomination and about a year ago remade that profession independently. But does she exude Christianity? Nope. We have Bible studies and she attends church most Sundays but what will make her start "behaving" and "thinking" like a Christian?

Then I think back, though I wasn't raised in a Christian home, what were my thoughts at her age? I too, as I suspect most 17 year olds was "shallow" at the time.

What can my wife and I expect then? Proverbs 22:6 tells us to do our best to raise up our child in the way she should go and seems to promise she won't depart from our efforts.

Oh God in Heaven, please watch over our child and keep the promise of Proverbs 22:6. Test her and try her as You will, but please keep bringing her back to You. What more can we do as her parents? She is Your creation Father, we were merely stewards, blessed with the privilege to raise her. Bless and keep her in Christ Jesus -- Amen.